Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
- To start off, it has been so long since I have blogged and I logged on today and had a wonderful invitation from Daveda! Well, this could take all day!
My Life Before Jesus:
My childhood has many good memories, and some sad ones also, I am the youngest of 3 children and have always felt loved by my family. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old and our world kinda fell apart. The biggest thing I remember was everyone was so sad and my mother was completely different from that day forward. Around the same time, my mothers brother died in a car accident, so there was a lot of sadness and depression going on all around us. All in all, we picked up the pieces and moved forward with life. My teenage years were wild, I wanted to be popular and hung around with "the in crowd" and we did a lot of drinking and I always seemed to be dating someone. I started dating my daughter's father when I was 19 and got pregnant 6 months later and had her by 21. My first marriage didn't work out so hot! Right after that I lost my father to suicide. Life was hard and confusing. I then met my second husband. We fell in love, we were crazy about each other, together all the time, he loved my daughter and my family and friends were always together. The drinking and "fast lane" life we led ran us into a wall pretty fast!
How I Met Jesus:
After dating my second husband for almost 5 years, I became pregnant again, and right at that time, life was starting to change quickly. Shawn worked out of town and we rarely saw one another, but we were pretty excited about having a baby. He started working closer to home and we were gonna settle down and have a family. We had our son and he was determined to change his life. Kaboom, the more he tried, everything exploded! His past started to really affect his life, another dysfunctional family. I discovered when he was home all the time, things were very different and got worse very quickly. Drugs had taken control of his life and it was spinning out of control. Our son was about 2 months old and he lost his job and we had just bought a house and had gotten married. I was about to lose everything! Several attempts at rehab, unsuccessful. And now he started to become unfaithful! He had suggested church as his higher power that they talked about in rehab. His grandma attended a church he had gone to since a young boy. I had gone a few times but never really liked it much and always thought I would find us a "better" church. But one day, Pastor Gary Watkins, gave a message and I was desperate, I went forward and some people prayed for me, I cried so hard, and a part of me felt better and I knew that day, Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and he died for me!
I Got Serious About Jesus:
Life seemed to get better, but I still didn't know how God was gonna help me with "this" problem. Shawn got a great job and did good for awhile. During the time he had made it through rehab and went back to work, things were okay for awhile and then failed a test again, losing his job. I was so hurt and frustrated! Then I found out I was pregnant. Oh my, I can't explain how scared and alone I felt, I concealed the pregnancy for 5 1/2 months. I knew something happened to me, I prayed and asked God for one "last" sin! (As though I would never sin again!) I knew that if I went to Planned Parenthood, they would hook me up to have an abortion. I drove around all that day and ended up at the Berean Bookstore. I went in with my son and started checking out the bibles. I turned to the index for notes and there it was ABORTION : Jeremiah 1:5 (Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.......) I couldn't do it. The next day, I called my OB, went in and found out I was 5 1/2 months pregnant and having twins... I just laughed and looked up and thought, "You must have a sense of humor." My church family was so awesome, they loved me and took care of me, when I gave birth, they came daily with meals and groceries and toiletries, and I vowed that I was gonna find out who this God was that they knew!
I am still on my journey with God and have only moved forward! I cannot believe that I am a single mother of 4 beautiful children and God has helped me every step of the way! I cannot imagine life without them. Today I keep searching for truth and asking God every day to help me know more of his marvelous love so I can keep my eyes on Him and move forward into all the wonderful things he has for me!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
This past week someone totally invaded my life when they stole my debit card # and charged way too much stuff on it, I felt totally violated and kinda scared of the world we live in today! Then I was at work the morning after this happened and checked my account again and realized this person was doing even more and a girl at work really complimented me and I realized I have more peace than even I am aware of! She said, "This has been going on all day and you haven't been ranting and raving about it, I would be going off!" she said. It made me feel very good because I know I handled it differently than I would have years ago! I went to the police and filed a report and went home, I am really, what can I do, God is in control, and He will use it for good, somehow!!! Today, I realize my computer is full of multiple viruses, so I went and got a spy sweeper and took care of that, then my youngest son came down with strep. Man I am glad I am not where I used to be! I used to go on and on and on about how the devil is attacking me, and I am sure he is, he will never leave me alone. But today I have notice the provision God has in my life. Through all the bad, I havent' really suffered once, I have all the help I need when needed! My beautiful 18 yr. old daughter is here to take care of my son while I work, I have had more than enough to get by until my bank account gets all the way cleared and there has been a solution to every problem as it comes and a quick one!! I truly am blessed! A few years ago I would have been focused on everything going on. I truly am thankful for God's grace, it is what calms us when we have everything from the world flying right at our face, so vivid in our minds! I know I still have so much to learn about His grace! It becomes more and more solid each time I experience it!
I am looking forward to the rest of the week as God straightens out this mess! It is His mess, not mine! I can do nothing and He can do everything! I know each answer/solution is a part of who He is and what He is showing me about His love! Just when we are about to throw in the towel, he appears every time, EVERY TIME, and I am so thankful!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Today I am just really caught up in some thoughts I have had lately! I have been learning about who we are in Christ and I have been meditating on it a lot! Just telling myself over and over that I am in Him and He is in me! Over the last 7 years, I really dug into the Bible and studied and went to Bible studies and they were all so good and I am so thankful for everything and everyone that has taught me! But lately, I am learning to take some of that knowledge and wisdom and realize that all those things are true in Christ. Sometimes this truth, just becomes knowledge and without Him attatched to it, it is just knowledge. I hope this makes sense! I would sit on the floor with a couple Bibles, my Strong's concordance, and a dictionary, and I learned so much! And all that is good, don't misunderstand me! But lately I am taking the knowledge that I have already obtained and asking Him to show me that it is mine because of HIM!!! Sometimes we confess and confess and try to convince ourselves, or memorize, but without knowing it is all in Him, only thenI will I obtain anything! Whew, it is a lot for me and I am trying to learn to relax and let it all settle! I have picked up my Bible very little, but when I do, I go to Colossians and meditate on one more thing I have in Him and today it was that very subject, wisdom and knowledge, and all the mysteries are found in Christ. (Good, very good!)
This summer has been good for me and my kids, we have had fun together, mostly because I am learning to relax! We have had a vacation (dream come true), a new dog (the love of their lives), and lots of family time! When I first got saved, I was in church all the time! We had Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday evening service! Now, I pretty much go on Sunday morning and try to fit in some fellowship! I am a single mother who works full time and it has been so freeing to be at home more now! Sometimes I am lonely, but I love my home and when you work a lot, you want to come home, so it is nice to focus on my family more than I ever have. Some days we only have 2-3 hours at night together. God is here with us at home and wherever we go! And I have stepped out and fellowship with some old friends and realize I can touch all of them. The Christ in me is wherever I go! Today I am thanking God for the new level He has taken me to and different is good!
Friday, June 12, 2009
This morning I was reading a fellow bloggers blog and if any of you are not hooked up with ...another chapter by Tyson Aschliman, you need to do it, he lost his wife almost a year ago and the things God has done in the man's life, helping him with his child and renewing life is amazing! He is in the redeeming business, you know! Anyway, I think of another way me and my children will be blessed, we are gonna take over Tyson's dog, Jack, at the end of this month. He is a chocolate brown labrador and my kids are so excited. It really works well for us, because I am a working, full-time, single mother and my kids have begged for a dog for a long time! He is 7 and he is potty trained and loves kids, 2 things one always worries about with dogs! I had friends say, "Dogs are a lot of work, are you sure you want to do that!" Well, I am reminded, God knew when he created me, that he would be working a lot on me, he still allowed me to be, so I could be here, a mother, friend, daughter, cosmetologist, sister-in-Christ, and so on. All the joy of having a new being in your life... it is a prayer of my children and I want them to experience all the joy out of life they can. I know there will be work, but it will be worth it to see the love from my children. I teared up when I thought of how God gave us Jack, people who want a pet and want to love it, when someone can't take it on anymore, they love him just as much, so God made something good out of what seemed to be bad.
Some friends from church are going to a conference this weekend and I would love to be with them, they are going to have a great time and a wonderful experience! It is amazing how people can grow or get one huge powerful revelation from spending a weekend with a bunch of people seeking the same things you are! I thank God they will come back and share with me the things they have learned. When I sit here and think of all the people God has put in my life to affect me, I am blown away, (tears again), and the people he is putting across my path for me to affect. I am reminded of my pastor's teaching (Good old Andy Brown, wait he is much younger than me, anyway) OVERFLOW!!!! He talked about getting a glass of water every night, which a lot of us do, and the next day that water is stale, dust mites from the air have gotten to it, gross! So each night we get a new glass of water. We don't want stale water! And if we keep filling that glass up instead of emptying it, it never is empty and it is there when we need fresh water. But Jesus is living water and if we abide in him, it is like being a glass sitting under a running faucet, and it overflows, and what comes out of us, just spills onto others, we are not trying to give others a drink of ourselves. When we do that, the glass runs out of water and they get a big dose of us to drink. And that is not good! I thank God for simple truth!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Today, I have so many thoughts about how good God is and I am loving the wisdom he is giving me. How easy it is to forget day to day the path the Lord has laid for us. I have been trying to finish painting my boys' room for about 2 weeks now and other stuff has gotten in the way and I am really starting to see the "rest" God has given me in areas I never had before. I used to be one of those people that when I wanted something done, I wanted it done now! Oh how I have become so much more relaxed in that area. It will still be there tomorrow waiting to be painted. My boys will be excited when it is done. I am just doing what I can do, from day to day, nowadays, and that, my friends, is victory. I am a people pleaser, busy-body type of person, so God is really setting me free and I never realized it was happening when he did it. So I am not going to label myself that way anymore, I am a relaxed, getter-done when I getter-done kinda girl, now, and thank you, Jesus!
A friend of mine was over tonight and was gonna help me and I viewed a Lifehouse skit video from youtube on facebook and sent it to my daughter, me and my friend were sitting at the table and I heard her play it so I told this person to watch, this person has been holding stuff in for so long, they started bawling, and it was a good cry! That video had so much truth and the people were dancing to a song and just showing the truth of our Lord! Me and my daughter, Sydney, were crying then too, it felt so good to see all of us could see the truth of things that keep us from God. I am so excited about the truth God is showing me! I am looking forward to tomorrow to get a new drink of water! Have a good day!
Monday, April 6, 2009
When I think about everything God has done for me by sending His Son, I am amazed, and I am still incapable of seeing it all. Day by day, he shows me more and more. Today someone taught me a prescribed order of victory and it goes like this:
Focus: Jesus Christ (John 14:6)
Object of Faith: The Cross of Christ (Romans 6:3-5)
Power Source: Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1-2,11)
Results: VICTORY (Romans 6:14) one of my favorite scriptures!
Our other options goes like this:
Object of Faith: Performance
Power Source: Self
A Christian who is dominated by their sin nature, which is the law, is the most miserable Christian on Earth! (The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. 1 Corinthians 15:56)
How this little teaching helped me today! I will now and forever only have victory because of Jesus, his power working in me produces my victory. Areas of my life that aren't experiencing victory are places where I have tried on my own. Believing I have the power to accomplish these hard things, as if that ever worked out before. I am left with thinking about several people right now, whose jobs have been eliminated, where is our help, it is in the Lord. He can give us favor and he says he will take care of us anyway! (Philippians 4:19)
Today I have had a victory in one area of my life and I know it is not because of me at all! My God affected the heart of a human being and had them do something that was in God's will, not for them, but for me! Thank you Jesus! I am plugging myself into the Holy Spirit and using him as my power source. I had fear the whole way, but with the help of God, I conquered it!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
I was not planning to use a scripture(s) at the beginning of every entry but when I need word daily to speak to me so much, I figure I may as well share it with all who read it. Today I woke up excited for church, you see, once a month we have a family feast at our church and I just cherish those times. It is a time when I don't have to be anywhere else after a long work week and my kids don't bug me because they are having fun with all their buddies. It is such a peaceful time. Well, last night I baked some peanut butter kisses cookies and had some 2-liters of soda packed for church and was actually on time, and for those of you who know me, know that is a big deal. I loaded the kiddos in the van and after a hectic time of getting 4 kids to get ready for church I was on my way, ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I was gonna have a whole 1 1/2 hours of peace while my kids were in children's church and I could hear me some word. Or so I thought! My son started complaining of an earrache on the way to church and really tugging and actually hitting at his ear. I thought he was being crazy, never seeing him do something like this before. We got to church and he had tears, I took the kids in and he was still not well. I decided to take him in service with me and maybe some worship music that had some good truth to it may help the ear heal quickly. He did not get well fast, and after sitting for a song and the noise hurt the ear worse, I decided to take him to a prompt care. I called the Dr. on the way and they said go to Morton, the wait was horrendous and this baby of mine was in severe pain, I could tell! I walked out and went to Methodist ER. Someone met us inside the door and took our info and put us in a room super quick. My son looked at me and said, "Mom, I have asked Jesus about 10 times to heal my ear, why isn't he helping me?" Oh, the helplessness, I felt, I wanted to cry! I told him that help was coming and Jesus has already paid for his healing and he looked at me strangely, but with hope. He soon, was letting out owww, owwww, owwww, he couldn't relax, the pain was bad, and I kept asking God to give me patience. Soon the Dr. came in and checked him, he had strep throat and a real bad ear infection. We had been at the Dr. earlier in the week and Strep test was negative. They gave us some prescriptions and finished our paper work and we were on our way! Now we were at Walgreen's waiting for medicine, I call my oldest daughter who is at church and eating with my friends and I told her we would be there soon, she said, "I am supposed to go to my Dad's today!" I was about ready to reach through the phone, and well, I don't want to tell you! I finished getting the medicine filled, and it took 3o minutes and my baby cried the whole time, they had put some drops in his ear, but he needes something more! I came back to our church picked up the other kids and we came home to a very dramatic time of 4 teaspoons of yucky meds that had to be taken. Finally, peace came! I ran to my bible and I started this blog, am just now finishing it at 11 p.m. I had to think that earlier I wanted to scream at my 18 year old daughter who was so selfish for stating the fact that her plans were hindered, I had the same thought, but just didn't verbalize the issue. But God is right there, like I was for Jakob, just when I need him, and he is not disappointed about it. You see, he can be everywhere at once, isn't that cool! When I got home all I could think about as I was searching for a godly thought, was I am righteous! And God put Romans 5:17 on my mind!
And guess what, I decided to finally receive his righteousness!! Throughout that hectic day, it was easy to forget about it! I am so happy it is mine!!! =) And my son, he is resting, and I reminded him of his righteousness too!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
A good friend of mine just recently invited me to the blog world and I am accepting that invitation today! I feel this may be a release for me, Amen! There was a day when I related to the beginning of this Psalm more than the ending. I am so thankful that today I relate more to the ending of this Psalm. For some of you who may not know me or who are just getting to know me, I am a mother of 4 and basically a single mother. I have been separated from my husband for 4 years now and wow does that look weird in writing! But thanks be to God, I still have my sanity and my life has never been better!
The subject for my blog today is my emotions. Our emotions can be such a roller coaster ride! One minute you are up, the next down, and then you whip around a sharp corner and find a drop just waiting there and you have that sudden feeling that your life is being threatened as you fall and wonder what must be coming next. I was never much for roller coasters. Recently, a good friend of mine compared her life to this and I guess that is why it is still fresh in my mind. My life used to be such a roller coaster and these days it is becoming less and less like that. I have embarked on a journey that is wonderful and scary all at the same time. My emotions are becoming less and less apparent to me, but they are still there tempting all the while about what is true and what is not! Circumstances in my life sometimes get a hold of me, but not for as long as they used to, my God has revealed too much truth to me to let anything get a hold of me! A couple weeks ago, I was at a good friend of mine's for a bible study and we watched a dvd called, "Because of Jesus." In this particular series, A Godly Wife, God revealed a very interesting thing to me. Jesus redeemed me from negative thoughts towards my husband, and more powerfully, negative thoughts toward anyone. Wow, how this set me free! Lately, when I have a negative thought, which is caused by my emotions, I quickly remind myself how Jesus redeemed me from thinking that way and pretty soon I have peace! My emotions are affected by the way I think. I am amazed and in awe of how he keeps helping me in my daily walk with my job, children, finances and MY CIRCUMSTANCES!! I am really starting to see how much he loves me, just knowing that he knows these awful thoughts and feelings come and he even took care of that! Some days I try to get my children to control their emotions and then I remember they are just as incapable of doing this as I am without our Lord!
Even today, the Lord is patiently and ever so tenderly helping me deal with my emotions and showing me that they are far from what is true! The more truth I know, the less I have negative emotions.