Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
- To start off, it has been so long since I have blogged and I logged on today and had a wonderful invitation from Daveda! Well, this could take all day!
My Life Before Jesus:
My childhood has many good memories, and some sad ones also, I am the youngest of 3 children and have always felt loved by my family. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old and our world kinda fell apart. The biggest thing I remember was everyone was so sad and my mother was completely different from that day forward. Around the same time, my mothers brother died in a car accident, so there was a lot of sadness and depression going on all around us. All in all, we picked up the pieces and moved forward with life. My teenage years were wild, I wanted to be popular and hung around with "the in crowd" and we did a lot of drinking and I always seemed to be dating someone. I started dating my daughter's father when I was 19 and got pregnant 6 months later and had her by 21. My first marriage didn't work out so hot! Right after that I lost my father to suicide. Life was hard and confusing. I then met my second husband. We fell in love, we were crazy about each other, together all the time, he loved my daughter and my family and friends were always together. The drinking and "fast lane" life we led ran us into a wall pretty fast!
How I Met Jesus:
After dating my second husband for almost 5 years, I became pregnant again, and right at that time, life was starting to change quickly. Shawn worked out of town and we rarely saw one another, but we were pretty excited about having a baby. He started working closer to home and we were gonna settle down and have a family. We had our son and he was determined to change his life. Kaboom, the more he tried, everything exploded! His past started to really affect his life, another dysfunctional family. I discovered when he was home all the time, things were very different and got worse very quickly. Drugs had taken control of his life and it was spinning out of control. Our son was about 2 months old and he lost his job and we had just bought a house and had gotten married. I was about to lose everything! Several attempts at rehab, unsuccessful. And now he started to become unfaithful! He had suggested church as his higher power that they talked about in rehab. His grandma attended a church he had gone to since a young boy. I had gone a few times but never really liked it much and always thought I would find us a "better" church. But one day, Pastor Gary Watkins, gave a message and I was desperate, I went forward and some people prayed for me, I cried so hard, and a part of me felt better and I knew that day, Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and he died for me!
I Got Serious About Jesus:
Life seemed to get better, but I still didn't know how God was gonna help me with "this" problem. Shawn got a great job and did good for awhile. During the time he had made it through rehab and went back to work, things were okay for awhile and then failed a test again, losing his job. I was so hurt and frustrated! Then I found out I was pregnant. Oh my, I can't explain how scared and alone I felt, I concealed the pregnancy for 5 1/2 months. I knew something happened to me, I prayed and asked God for one "last" sin! (As though I would never sin again!) I knew that if I went to Planned Parenthood, they would hook me up to have an abortion. I drove around all that day and ended up at the Berean Bookstore. I went in with my son and started checking out the bibles. I turned to the index for notes and there it was ABORTION : Jeremiah 1:5 (Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.......) I couldn't do it. The next day, I called my OB, went in and found out I was 5 1/2 months pregnant and having twins... I just laughed and looked up and thought, "You must have a sense of humor." My church family was so awesome, they loved me and took care of me, when I gave birth, they came daily with meals and groceries and toiletries, and I vowed that I was gonna find out who this God was that they knew!
I am still on my journey with God and have only moved forward! I cannot believe that I am a single mother of 4 beautiful children and God has helped me every step of the way! I cannot imagine life without them. Today I keep searching for truth and asking God every day to help me know more of his marvelous love so I can keep my eyes on Him and move forward into all the wonderful things he has for me!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
This past week someone totally invaded my life when they stole my debit card # and charged way too much stuff on it, I felt totally violated and kinda scared of the world we live in today! Then I was at work the morning after this happened and checked my account again and realized this person was doing even more and a girl at work really complimented me and I realized I have more peace than even I am aware of! She said, "This has been going on all day and you haven't been ranting and raving about it, I would be going off!" she said. It made me feel very good because I know I handled it differently than I would have years ago! I went to the police and filed a report and went home, I am really, what can I do, God is in control, and He will use it for good, somehow!!! Today, I realize my computer is full of multiple viruses, so I went and got a spy sweeper and took care of that, then my youngest son came down with strep. Man I am glad I am not where I used to be! I used to go on and on and on about how the devil is attacking me, and I am sure he is, he will never leave me alone. But today I have notice the provision God has in my life. Through all the bad, I havent' really suffered once, I have all the help I need when needed! My beautiful 18 yr. old daughter is here to take care of my son while I work, I have had more than enough to get by until my bank account gets all the way cleared and there has been a solution to every problem as it comes and a quick one!! I truly am blessed! A few years ago I would have been focused on everything going on. I truly am thankful for God's grace, it is what calms us when we have everything from the world flying right at our face, so vivid in our minds! I know I still have so much to learn about His grace! It becomes more and more solid each time I experience it!
I am looking forward to the rest of the week as God straightens out this mess! It is His mess, not mine! I can do nothing and He can do everything! I know each answer/solution is a part of who He is and what He is showing me about His love! Just when we are about to throw in the towel, he appears every time, EVERY TIME, and I am so thankful!