My family

My family

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Seen or unseen!

Lately I have decided to get real with myself, no more pretending I am trusting when I am not, believing when I am not and just lay it all out there! Today I am gonna be more open than I normally am, so here it goes! I have been praying for my marriage for about 7, almost 8 years now and I was tempted to be in condemnation the other day! I am learning so much about the Lord and it truly comes from Him! I was sitting here the other night just talking to him and sharing my thoughts with Him and I said, "God, I am really tired, I know your will for my life is good, you came to give me abundant life!" and don't get me wrong, I do enjoy life most of the time! But there is a part of me that is empty and I am trying to get free in that area. My pastor preached such a good sermon this last Sunday, it stayed with me and I have mentioned more than once to people things that he taught us! I have had bad relationships in the past and it has made me have a guard up concerning relationships that I have today! I have always thought that if I ever worked things out with my husband or decide to move forward in life without him that my relationships would always be bad or different cause I am not normal. And God just woke me up the other day and used such a good friend to help me! She looked at me and said, "You are not even the same person anymore!" And that was like, WOW, it was like God saying it to me! And I got this peace when I came home and kept thinking on that and smiling, "I am not the same person anymore!" And I realize God has good things for me. But just like when God's people were at the waters carrying his very presence, the waters didn't dry up until they took that first step and moved forward. And I realized that I have moved forward A LOT over the years and I didn't even realize it and I know God has helped me, but if I can keep this confidence and knowing of his good plans for me, I could walk briskly into the things he has for me! Yes, it is scary sometimes, because change can be scary and the unknown is scary! But just knowing the unknown is good and I can't be disappointed with Jesus taking me every step of the way! One thought I have had that has tormented me lately is this, I don't feel married and I don't feel divorced! It is an awful feeling and I hate it and I am ready to move forward and I don't know what that first step is, but God will direct me! Anyone who reads this, prayer is welcome! I really want to experience this abundant life and I am so happy God has carried me this far, I can't wait to see what he has for me and my family!


  1. Kelly, I am standing and believing with you. Not for a specific outcome but that God would clearly reveal Himself to you in this. That you would have an overwhelming peace, which ever direction you decide to go.

    As I read through your post I was reminded of something I heard John Sheesby say in one of his podcast...I think it was him, well anyway...he said, that so many Christains are against divorce and they throw these big fits about it (all this is paraphrased) but what God hates is the breaking of covenant, which most times happens long before one ever "files papers"

    Don't misunderstand I am in no way saying this is the way you should go, just sharing what came to mind.

    God loves you so much! I know He has has an awesome plan for you.

    And, I love what you said about not pretending to believe and trust when you don't! AMEN sister! I agree, if we are pretending then we are not asking God to help us or reaching out to others.

    Love ya! Great Post. Thanks for sharing and allowing us to come stand beside you on this journey. I have a wonderful feeling inside about this kelly, stay tuned because this is going to be good, it may not be without bumps in the road or hills to climb. But, I have this vision in my head of you on a path heading toward a beautiful, beautiful mansion with a stream and waterfall. When the road gets to steep your prince (Jesus) comes and carries you. You are in His arms looking at Him with such love in your eyes, He is the love of your life. The two of you are chatting and laughin as you travel the steep road and you don't even notice that it was difficult.

    Looking forward to what God has for you!

  2. Oh Wow! Ditto everything that Daveda said! And I can't wait to see what God has in store for you either!
    I love you,