Thursday, July 23, 2009
This morning I found this feeling of newness in my life! Freedom and it feels good! I realized how much I like this blogging stuff! It is really kind of healing! Yesterday I had a sorta rough day with my teenager but everything always turns out for good. She is such a good girl and she just needs guidance sometimes, life hasn't been especially easy for her either! Or anyone for that matter! The summer is moving so fast and I am enjoying my kids so much, they sleep in later (this is the first year they have slept past 7:30) and I get to spend more time with them because I am the only one on a schedule. They really are precious and they put up with my grumpiness pretty well. I love them so much and I am so thankful for them! Their dad stopped by the other day to see them and they get so excited, I have such mixed feelings, one because I know he is still messed up in life, but two they have no idea. They long so much to have their dad in their life and he has always been so self-involved. It is really frustrating to realized that being in someone's life hindered them, I mean really, we should compliment our spouse as their helpmate, not enable or just be there like a mother for them. I have learned so much and plan to learn so much more about love. Just loving my kids and watching them grow and knowing that I don't always make them happy by giving them everything they want. It helps them grow, and it is helping me with all relationships in my life. Yesterday, I posted a blog about pretending to believe and pretending to trust. Well when I was around Shawn the other day, I could sense his acting mode. It has to be awful walking around pretending to be ok all the time when you are not. And I don't mean my judgement of him being ok, I know all the things that must go through that man's head and I know he is not ok, but I know pretending is not fun and it gets old and sooner or later the real man comes out. The kids have been going to vacation bible school this week and they are having so much fun. I feel so bad for them because they see their dad and then they go about a month or so before they see him again or sooner or later, it is so irregular and I feel bad that it has become normal for them! I am truly thankful that God has came in and gave us peace and stability in the midst of confusion, yes we found hope! Today I am realizing that I am so much better than I used to be and I can walk in the hope of a new tomorrow, everyday! I have fought fears about my kids futures and how everything in our past will hinder them, but daily and I mean DAILY God is helping know I have NO FEAR in HIM!!! Thank you Jesus! My freedom is becoming more and more aparent to me!!! Thank you God for this blog that lets me get my feelings out of my head and realize some lies I have been believing and it reminds me of truth from so many other dear friends!