Sunday, July 26, 2009
Today I am really resting in the fact that I am learning a lot of truth about myself! Recently I have had a couple bumps in my road, but I am determined to stay on my highway of holiness! Not my holiness, of course, it is HIS!!! But the road I travel on sometimes is busy and monotonous!! Oh, how I need reminded of His gospel. I realize sometimes that the weekends are not something I look forward to, because I am reminded that my family is a "broken" one! When the week begins, I have work and routine to keep me busy, but when the weekend comes, it seems like everyone around me has plans with their family. Not only is my home family broken, but my life as a child was a broken home also and it feels as though it has stayed that way growing up. My mom is busy with her life and me and my brother and sister have kept in contact as a family on our own! It is not as though we don't see her, it is just different from most families and I have always looked at other families and longed for the closeness they have. Leaving church on Sunday and having a family (even extended family) to spend the whole day with, I long to have this with my children! And I will! Also the work week is loaded with activity of what I know is coming and I like knowing what is going on! So when the weekend comes and I have no plans, I look forward to church and that is about it! I know church is great, but God did not mean for that to be it. This leaves a person feeling that if church doesn't go good, the weekend was shot! Ohhhhh, I feel like no one will understand this, but I am sure someone will! Even if it is one! So I am left to know that God is working in yet another area of my life! I am still learning to relax in Him. In different ways, that he shows me every day! I have enjoyed so much of this summer with my kids, but today the first feeling came that I am ready to have them in school. With me being on a schedule, I am having a hard time keeping up with them and everything else and trying to feel as though it is a vacation for me too! That is a pointless effort! I had little preschoolers today at church and they are so cute! Full of life and know what they want. My heart reminded me today of how important it is that we look at kids and their inividualism! (is that a word?) Some people may take it as a child not listening or cooperating, but I have learned to let children tell me what they want, there is nothing wrong with that, God loves us to express ourselves and be the very creatures he created us to be! They know what they want at a very young age and I find the day to go much smoother if I allow them to tell me what they want to do, I direct it in a positive way and am just there to lead them! Wow if I could just get that God wants to do this with me! I just need to tell him what I want to do and He will lead me to the end result. I might get there on a different path then I planned, but it is a safer and happier way and no one else gets hurt! =) Wow, what revelation! Instead sometimes we sit around and say what do you want me to do God? I think we have it totally backward! When we try to be what we think the world or the church expects of us, we are unhappy and we don't learn anything. We are just pretending and we are pleasing others, not ourselves. Or God for that matter! He came to give us that abundant life! Not redundant life!!! Lord I ask you today to help me express me, myself as an individual! Thank you!