Remembering Jesus

Yesterday I was on facebook and all over the place people had posted that this poor little baby I have been praying for had passed and in actuallity it was not true at all.  First of all I was so upset when I saw this because the little guy and his family has grown so close to my heart as well as a lot of people in the community.  But I got to thinking how quickly bad news spreads, and it spreads fast and I had contacted my pastor only because I wanted him to lift up family in prayer which would have been really needed, only to have to quickly contact him again to let him know it was a false rumor.  I don't think anyone would want to hurt anyone by telling anyone, he has just grow  so close to us that we all want to know every detail about the little guy.  So I have been insistent on praying for him more and more as he fights for his little life.  This morning I looked up an old song on youtube and it is called, " By his wounds we are healed." and I watched it and even I myself forget how much Jesus took on His body for me that I can access His grace to receive all the wonderful blessings he has for me.  So I want to challenge everyone to spread GOOD news today.  The best news of all, Jesus!  And baby Dax is still in this life and let us lift him up in prayer, not talk, God is the only one who can help!  With God the story is a happy ending no matter what!  The GOOD news is Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and forever, and that means he still heals!  The GOOD news is he loves us and wants good things for us!  The GOOD news is HE is the great physician!  The GOOD news is, cancer has a name, and Jesus is the name ABOVE all names.  The GOOD news is He did it all, and He wants me to look to him to perform it through his Holy Spirit.  Help us believe you God, the author of GOOD news and not all the bad reports!

Touched by the Father's Love

• To start off, it has been so long since I have blogged and I logged on today and had a wonderful invitation from Daveda! Well, this could take all day!

My Life Before Jesus:

My childhood has many good memories, and some sad ones also, I am the youngest of 3 children and have always felt loved by my family. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old and our world kinda fell apart. The biggest thing I remember was everyone was so sad and my mother was completely different from that day forward. Around the same time, my mothers brother died in a car accident, so there was a lot of sadness and depression going on all around us. All in all, we picked up the pieces and moved forward with life. My teenage years were wild, I wanted to be popular and hung around with "the in crowd" and we did a lot of drinking and I always seemed to be dating someone. I started dating my daughter's father when I was 19 and got pregnant 6 months later and had her by 21. My first marriage didn't work out so hot! Right after that I lost my father to suicide. Life was hard and confusing. I then met my second husband. We fell in love, we were crazy about each other, together all the time, he loved my daughter and my family and friends were always together. The drinking and "fast lane" life we led ran us into a wall pretty fast!

How I Met Jesus:

After dating my second husband for almost 5 years, I became pregnant again, and right at that time, life was starting to change quickly. Shawn worked out of town and we rarely saw one another, but we were pretty excited about having a baby. He started working closer to home and we were gonna settle down and have a family. We had our son and he was determined to change his life. Kaboom, the more he tried, everything exploded! His past started to really affect his life, another dysfunctional family. I discovered when he was home all the time, things were very different and got worse very quickly. Drugs had taken control of his life and it was spinning out of control. Our son was about 2 months old and he lost his job and we had just bought a house and had gotten married. I was about to lose everything! Several attempts at rehab, unsuccessful. And now he started to become unfaithful! He had suggested church as his higher power that they talked about in rehab. His grandma attended a church he had gone to since a young boy. I had gone a few times but never really liked it much and always thought I would find us a "better" church. But one day, Pastor Gary Watkins, gave a message and I was desperate, I went forward and some people prayed for me, I cried so hard, and a part of me felt better and I knew that day, Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and he died for me!

I Got Serious About Jesus:

Life seemed to get better, but I still didn't know how God was gonna help me with "this" problem. Shawn got a great job and did good for awhile. During the time he had made it through rehab and went back to work, things were okay for awhile and then failed a test again, losing his job. I was so hurt and frustrated! Then I found out I was pregnant. Oh my, I can't explain how scared and alone I felt, I concealed the pregnancy for 5 1/2 months. I knew something happened to me, I prayed and asked God for one "last" sin! (As though I would never sin again!) I knew that if I went to Planned Parenthood, they would hook me up to have an abortion. I drove around all that day and ended up at the Berean Bookstore. I went in with my son and started checking out the bibles. I turned to the index for notes and there it was ABORTION : Jeremiah 1:5 (Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.......) I couldn't do it. The next day, I called my OB, went in and found out I was 5 1/2 months pregnant and having twins... I just laughed and looked up and thought, "You must have a sense of humor." My church family was so awesome, they loved me and took care of me, when I gave birth, they came daily with meals and groceries and toiletries, and I vowed that I was gonna find out who this God was that they knew!

Today:

I am still on my journey with God and have only moved forward! I cannot believe that I am a single mother of 4 beautiful children and God has helped me every step of the way! I cannot imagine life without them. Today I keep searching for truth and asking God every day to help me know more of his marvelous love so I can keep my eyes on Him and move forward into all the wonderful things he has for me!

Tuesday

Wow what a difference a day and the Lord can make! I needed to get my head out of the cloud yesterday and see things for real, real as in how the Father sees it! Oh how the enemy blinds us and makes us get all riled up with emotion! I am so happy God is a part of my life, or I don't know how I would make it through a day like yesterday! This morning me and my son prayed together and it was short but sweet and we both agreed we wanted a better day! I love how simple God is, and my son wasn't the only thing in my day yesterday, but he was the most important =) and I am so glad I get the opportunity to tell him how much God loves him! Have a great day everyone and look up when things get rough!

Labor Day

Ugh! What else is there to say to my day but that!!! Tonight leaves me feeling like I am a total failure! I did not walk into one situation today with gladness! Makes me sad! I have had so many good things happen to me lately but I feel just UGH! I don't feel like a good mom, I don't feel like a good much of anything right now! Just a bad awful day and I want it to get better but it is almost over! My kids are in bed and the usual sigh, that I finally have time to myself, it isn't there! Instead, I have a crappy feeling of failure, and I know this doesn't come from my heavenly father but it is here and I want it gone! Today I officially feel like I did nothing right, right up to bedtime! I had a child behave badly today, but I am not sure that I was worse than him! Help me Lord! These days leave me knowing I need help! Help that only God can give and I need it quick, well I know it is already answered and tomorrow is a new day, but tomorrow needs to be better! Please! Oh, I just hope my kids know how much I love them after a day like this, I tell them, but after they see me this ugly, I just ask God to help their little hearts! Come, Holy Spirit, Come!

Ahhhh!

It is 8:30 at my house and guess what, that means quiet time at the Felmey house! I love quiet time and believe me, I deserve it! We put in a long day here at the Felmey ranch! Just a few great revelations have been stirring in my head lately and my heart of course! God is showing me some amazing things! I can't almost believe it, but more and more I am getting the revelation that the spirit of God dwells inside of me and I realize I have the knowledge of those 12 disciples. I love how in 2 Peter, he puts us on the same level as him, having the same knowledge and wisdom as they, the apostles of Jesus Christ! Makes me sad that sometimes, we as Christians can comes across to people as having such superior knowledge, and the wisdom of God is overshadowed, by our knowledge...learning that the best teaching comes from Him! It has been a long and hard struggle for me to trust that my inner man could hear from God, but I am exercising it lately and I am experiencing some stuff! It has been rather a roller coaster ride, but I am determined to stay in it and I know God will slow that coaster down for me as I am looking to Him and pulling my knowledge from the very spirit of God that resides in me! It sounds so easy when someone teaches you, but when you have been loaded down with garbage, it takes some time to dispose of that garbage and get good pure stuff! God gave me a picture right now of us listening to teaching and we are like a garbage can at times. We receive a lot of stuff, some of it is valuable and some should be recycled, some should stay garbage, never to be repeated again. Well, it makes sense to me! I am learning to love the journey God has led me in, and asking less and less, what happened??? I know (from Christy) my obstacle is my pathway and wow that is the TRUTH! Obstacles haven't stopped me much in the past, but it has slowed me down, I am ready to step in the Jordan and see it dry up! Funny story to tell all of you, my son was sitting down for his haircut the other day, by the way, my kids got theirs last after all my time at work, and my son, said, hey, you are cutting off all my strength, I didn't know what he meant, he started singing some song about Samson and Delilah! God is so good, he learned it at bible school this summer! And it is so cute that his superhero came from the bible today! Superman has nothing on Samson! Love you all and goodnight!

Stirring!

Man I cannot sleep tonight, so I thought I would write myself to sleep! Hopefully! I can't even tell you why, but I did not feel great today and came home and rested! Went to bed at 10:45 and laid there! Don't know why my mind is so crazy, can't even tell you what I am thinking of! I registered my kids for school today and I can't believe it is that time of year. They are growing so fast! Two first graders, one third grader, and a senior! Where has the time gone? I think about all that has gone on in the past years raising my children and I amazed at the place I am at! We have made it through this life together and I am so thankful for them! There are times when I am so exhausted and can get frustrated with my kids but they really are the product of my existence! They keep me going! I love them so much and sometimes I am so impatient with them. God is helping with this daily as I try to slow down in this crazy life and enjoy them! They each one are wonderful in their very own way! Sydney is such a beautiful girl that came into my life 18 years ago at a very immature time of my life! God knew that I would be the type of person to focus on my responsibility, only He knows what I would have gotten into had I not had another person to tend to! I wasn't with her dad very long but me and her have been together for sooooo long! She has been through everything with me and she is doing very well, thanks to Jesus! I am enjoying watching her become a beautiful young woman, although I need reminded daily that God can take care of her! Jakob is my next child and he came along 10 years later! Oh did that rock Syd's world! He is a joy and full of life! 6 months after he was born I was "born again"! And oh life has changed so much. Having a little boy was so different but wonderful and I had a pretty easy time adjusting! When he was 16 months old, I found out I was pregnant with my next two, Gracie and Kody! Boy, what a challenging time in my life! My husband was battling drug addiction and alcoholism and this was quite a surprise to me at a crucial time in my life! Little did I know that they would be my saving grace! I have always been a person who would take care of their kids, but had no idea how I would do it now! The twins were 18 months when Jakob, Grace, and Kody's Dad and I separated! I had back surgery about 9 months later! I still can't believe I made it through that with 4 kids and my job, I don't get paid if I don't work! I took only 2 weeks off work and returned with the wonderful help of my coworkers! And here we are many years later! I just can't believe the trials we have been through and we don't even smell burnt! As I reflect back on life, I can see so much of God along the way, so much! He is my strength and my salvation! He is my light! What can man do to me? He is my husband! He is my provider! He is my everything! He has helped me raise my kids, there has been a solution to every problem I have had! This morning I am truly thanking the Lord for all He has done for me and asking Him to help me open myself up and to be able to recognize everything new He has for me! Oh what a glorious day! I need to sleep but this time was precious!!!

What a week!

Whew!!!! Where do I start! I hate to sound like someone who is whining, but my Father knows I am anyway, so why try to hide it! I hate when I am like this, but I have had a week that is strenuous! But I am very blessed to say I am realizing my provision right in the middle of it and I also realize the healing that is involved when I put my thoughts on this blog!

This past week someone totally invaded my life when they stole my debit card # and charged way too much stuff on it, I felt totally violated and kinda scared of the world we live in today! Then I was at work the morning after this happened and checked my account again and realized this person was doing even more and a girl at work really complimented me and I realized I have more peace than even I am aware of! She said, "This has been going on all day and you haven't been ranting and raving about it, I would be going off!" she said. It made me feel very good because I know I handled it differently than I would have years ago! I went to the police and filed a report and went home, I am really, what can I do, God is in control, and He will use it for good, somehow!!! Today, I realize my computer is full of multiple viruses, so I went and got a spy sweeper and took care of that, then my youngest son came down with strep. Man I am glad I am not where I used to be! I used to go on and on and on about how the devil is attacking me, and I am sure he is, he will never leave me alone. But today I have notice the provision God has in my life. Through all the bad, I havent' really suffered once, I have all the help I need when needed! My beautiful 18 yr. old daughter is here to take care of my son while I work, I have had more than enough to get by until my bank account gets all the way cleared and there has been a solution to every problem as it comes and a quick one!! I truly am blessed! A few years ago I would have been focused on everything going on. I truly am thankful for God's grace, it is what calms us when we have everything from the world flying right at our face, so vivid in our minds! I know I still have so much to learn about His grace! It becomes more and more solid each time I experience it!

I am looking forward to the rest of the week as God straightens out this mess! It is His mess, not mine! I can do nothing and He can do everything! I know each answer/solution is a part of who He is and what He is showing me about His love! Just when we are about to throw in the towel, he appears every time, EVERY TIME, and I am so thankful!

Another Week

Today I am really resting in the fact that I am learning a lot of truth about myself! Recently I have had a couple bumps in my road, but I am determined to stay on my highway of holiness! Not my holiness, of course, it is HIS!!! But the road I travel on sometimes is busy and monotonous!! Oh, how I need reminded of His gospel. I realize sometimes that the weekends are not something I look forward to, because I am reminded that my family is a "broken" one! When the week begins, I have work and routine to keep me busy, but when the weekend comes, it seems like everyone around me has plans with their family. Not only is my home family broken, but my life as a child was a broken home also and it feels as though it has stayed that way growing up. My mom is busy with her life and me and my brother and sister have kept in contact as a family on our own! It is not as though we don't see her, it is just different from most families and I have always looked at other families and longed for the closeness they have. Leaving church on Sunday and having a family (even extended family) to spend the whole day with, I long to have this with my children! And I will! Also the work week is loaded with activity of what I know is coming and I like knowing what is going on! So when the weekend comes and I have no plans, I look forward to church and that is about it! I know church is great, but God did not mean for that to be it. This leaves a person feeling that if church doesn't go good, the weekend was shot! Ohhhhh, I feel like no one will understand this, but I am sure someone will! Even if it is one! So I am left to know that God is working in yet another area of my life! I am still learning to relax in Him. In different ways, that he shows me every day! I have enjoyed so much of this summer with my kids, but today the first feeling came that I am ready to have them in school. With me being on a schedule, I am having a hard time keeping up with them and everything else and trying to feel as though it is a vacation for me too! That is a pointless effort! I had little preschoolers today at church and they are so cute! Full of life and know what they want. My heart reminded me today of how important it is that we look at kids and their inividualism! (is that a word?) Some people may take it as a child not listening or cooperating, but I have learned to let children tell me what they want, there is nothing wrong with that, God loves us to express ourselves and be the very creatures he created us to be! They know what they want at a very young age and I find the day to go much smoother if I allow them to tell me what they want to do, I direct it in a positive way and am just there to lead them! Wow if I could just get that God wants to do this with me! I just need to tell him what I want to do and He will lead me to the end result. I might get there on a different path then I planned, but it is a safer and happier way and no one else gets hurt! =) Wow, what revelation! Instead sometimes we sit around and say what do you want me to do God? I think we have it totally backward! When we try to be what we think the world or the church expects of us, we are unhappy and we don't learn anything. We are just pretending and we are pleasing others, not ourselves. Or God for that matter! He came to give us that abundant life! Not redundant life!!! Lord I ask you today to help me express me, myself as an individual! Thank you!

Newness

This morning I found this feeling of newness in my life! Freedom and it feels good! I realized how much I like this blogging stuff! It is really kind of healing! Yesterday I had a sorta rough day with my teenager but everything always turns out for good. She is such a good girl and she just needs guidance sometimes, life hasn't been especially easy for her either! Or anyone for that matter! The summer is moving so fast and I am enjoying my kids so much, they sleep in later (this is the first year they have slept past 7:30) and I get to spend more time with them because I am the only one on a schedule. They really are precious and they put up with my grumpiness pretty well. I love them so much and I am so thankful for them! Their dad stopped by the other day to see them and they get so excited, I have such mixed feelings, one because I know he is still messed up in life, but two they have no idea. They long so much to have their dad in their life and he has always been so self-involved. It is really frustrating to realized that being in someone's life hindered them, I mean really, we should compliment our spouse as their helpmate, not enable or just be there like a mother for them. I have learned so much and plan to learn so much more about love. Just loving my kids and watching them grow and knowing that I don't always make them happy by giving them everything they want. It helps them grow, and it is helping me with all relationships in my life. Yesterday, I posted a blog about pretending to believe and pretending to trust. Well when I was around Shawn the other day, I could sense his acting mode. It has to be awful walking around pretending to be ok all the time when you are not. And I don't mean my judgement of him being ok, I know all the things that must go through that man's head and I know he is not ok, but I know pretending is not fun and it gets old and sooner or later the real man comes out. The kids have been going to vacation bible school this week and they are having so much fun. I feel so bad for them because they see their dad and then they go about a month or so before they see him again or sooner or later, it is so irregular and I feel bad that it has become normal for them! I am truly thankful that God has came in and gave us peace and stability in the midst of confusion, yes we found hope! Today I am realizing that I am so much better than I used to be and I can walk in the hope of a new tomorrow, everyday! I have fought fears about my kids futures and how everything in our past will hinder them, but daily and I mean DAILY God is helping know I have NO FEAR in HIM!!! Thank you Jesus! My freedom is becoming more and more aparent to me!!! Thank you God for this blog that lets me get my feelings out of my head and realize some lies I have been believing and it reminds me of truth from so many other dear friends!

Seen or unseen!

Lately I have decided to get real with myself, no more pretending I am trusting when I am not, believing when I am not and just lay it all out there! Today I am gonna be more open than I normally am, so here it goes! I have been praying for my marriage for about 7, almost 8 years now and I was tempted to be in condemnation the other day! I am learning so much about the Lord and it truly comes from Him! I was sitting here the other night just talking to him and sharing my thoughts with Him and I said, "God, I am really tired, I know your will for my life is good, you came to give me abundant life!" and don't get me wrong, I do enjoy life most of the time! But there is a part of me that is empty and I am trying to get free in that area. My pastor preached such a good sermon this last Sunday, it stayed with me and I have mentioned more than once to people things that he taught us! I have had bad relationships in the past and it has made me have a guard up concerning relationships that I have today! I have always thought that if I ever worked things out with my husband or decide to move forward in life without him that my relationships would always be bad or different cause I am not normal. And God just woke me up the other day and used such a good friend to help me! She looked at me and said, "You are not even the same person anymore!" And that was like, WOW, it was like God saying it to me! And I got this peace when I came home and kept thinking on that and smiling, "I am not the same person anymore!" And I realize God has good things for me. But just like when God's people were at the waters carrying his very presence, the waters didn't dry up until they took that first step and moved forward. And I realized that I have moved forward A LOT over the years and I didn't even realize it and I know God has helped me, but if I can keep this confidence and knowing of his good plans for me, I could walk briskly into the things he has for me! Yes, it is scary sometimes, because change can be scary and the unknown is scary! But just knowing the unknown is good and I can't be disappointed with Jesus taking me every step of the way! One thought I have had that has tormented me lately is this, I don't feel married and I don't feel divorced! It is an awful feeling and I hate it and I am ready to move forward and I don't know what that first step is, but God will direct me! Anyone who reads this, prayer is welcome! I really want to experience this abundant life and I am so happy God has carried me this far, I can't wait to see what he has for me and my family!

My New Position!

Man, I cannot believe how long I go in between blogging! And to my good friend Christy, I am not ignoring your awards, I just can't figure out much more on this site than just posting and reading as you can tell from my boring homepage, but it is all the time I have some days! But thanks so much!

Today I am just really caught up in some thoughts I have had lately! I have been learning about who we are in Christ and I have been meditating on it a lot! Just telling myself over and over that I am in Him and He is in me! Over the last 7 years, I really dug into the Bible and studied and went to Bible studies and they were all so good and I am so thankful for everything and everyone that has taught me! But lately, I am learning to take some of that knowledge and wisdom and realize that all those things are true in Christ. Sometimes this truth, just becomes knowledge and without Him attatched to it, it is just knowledge. I hope this makes sense! I would sit on the floor with a couple Bibles, my Strong's concordance, and a dictionary, and I learned so much! And all that is good, don't misunderstand me! But lately I am taking the knowledge that I have already obtained and asking Him to show me that it is mine because of HIM!!! Sometimes we confess and confess and try to convince ourselves, or memorize, but without knowing it is all in Him, only thenI will I obtain anything! Whew, it is a lot for me and I am trying to learn to relax and let it all settle! I have picked up my Bible very little, but when I do, I go to Colossians and meditate on one more thing I have in Him and today it was that very subject, wisdom and knowledge, and all the mysteries are found in Christ. (Good, very good!)

This summer has been good for me and my kids, we have had fun together, mostly because I am learning to relax! We have had a vacation (dream come true), a new dog (the love of their lives), and lots of family time! When I first got saved, I was in church all the time! We had Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday evening service! Now, I pretty much go on Sunday morning and try to fit in some fellowship! I am a single mother who works full time and it has been so freeing to be at home more now! Sometimes I am lonely, but I love my home and when you work a lot, you want to come home, so it is nice to focus on my family more than I ever have. Some days we only have 2-3 hours at night together. God is here with us at home and wherever we go! And I have stepped out and fellowship with some old friends and realize I can touch all of them. The Christ in me is wherever I go! Today I am thanking God for the new level He has taken me to and different is good!

Good cries!!!

This morning I sit and read so many blogs I haven't kept up with for a while and I just find myself crying when I read the impact my God has had on so many people! Lately, I feel like I am so energetic in God, I just feel him taking me to a new level! Like he does in His own fantastic way! The past few weeks have been hectic, I have been exercising again and I asked God to help me, it does take work for me and much motivation. I feel so much better when I do it, so He is helping me, or I wouldn't be there! I had back surgery about 4 1/2 years ago and it pays for my body to stay in shape and not be too overweight and I have let myself go a little!

This morning I was reading a fellow bloggers blog and if any of you are not hooked up with ...another chapter by Tyson Aschliman, you need to do it, he lost his wife almost a year ago and the things God has done in the man's life, helping him with his child and renewing life is amazing! He is in the redeeming business, you know! Anyway, I think of another way me and my children will be blessed, we are gonna take over Tyson's dog, Jack, at the end of this month. He is a chocolate brown labrador and my kids are so excited. It really works well for us, because I am a working, full-time, single mother and my kids have begged for a dog for a long time! He is 7 and he is potty trained and loves kids, 2 things one always worries about with dogs! I had friends say, "Dogs are a lot of work, are you sure you want to do that!" Well, I am reminded, God knew when he created me, that he would be working a lot on me, he still allowed me to be, so I could be here, a mother, friend, daughter, cosmetologist, sister-in-Christ, and so on. All the joy of having a new being in your life... it is a prayer of my children and I want them to experience all the joy out of life they can. I know there will be work, but it will be worth it to see the love from my children. I teared up when I thought of how God gave us Jack, people who want a pet and want to love it, when someone can't take it on anymore, they love him just as much, so God made something good out of what seemed to be bad.

Some friends from church are going to a conference this weekend and I would love to be with them, they are going to have a great time and a wonderful experience! It is amazing how people can grow or get one huge powerful revelation from spending a weekend with a bunch of people seeking the same things you are! I thank God they will come back and share with me the things they have learned. When I sit here and think of all the people God has put in my life to affect me, I am blown away, (tears again), and the people he is putting across my path for me to affect. I am reminded of my pastor's teaching (Good old Andy Brown, wait he is much younger than me, anyway) OVERFLOW!!!! He talked about getting a glass of water every night, which a lot of us do, and the next day that water is stale, dust mites from the air have gotten to it, gross! So each night we get a new glass of water. We don't want stale water! And if we keep filling that glass up instead of emptying it, it never is empty and it is there when we need fresh water. But Jesus is living water and if we abide in him, it is like being a glass sitting under a running faucet, and it overflows, and what comes out of us, just spills onto others, we are not trying to give others a drink of ourselves. When we do that, the glass runs out of water and they get a big dose of us to drink. And that is not good! I thank God for simple truth!

An Arising!

I had a great time at a co-workers cookout tonight. I met some new friends and my kids made friends very easily. I often wonder how all the wonderful works of God has brought me to the place I am in my life right now. I am so happy, and just serene, I guess would be the word for it. I used to find myself searching for friends or people who would accept me, but I am finding myself to be a person who can relax and enjoy myself, just watching my wonderful kids interact with others and enjoy themselves. Life is good, and it wasn't for a very long time! Actually, it is so much easier to relax these days, and know that the life and power of God resides in me and my kids that I love going around people and am excited to see what kind of effect we have on them... this is the result of resting in Jesus, and I have just begun to do that! I can't wait to see what we will see!

What a Glorious Day!!!

I sit here on what is going to be another beautiful day! My kiddos are still sleeping and I am sitting here after done reading some friends blogs and have windows open listening to birds chirp! I can't help but think about God in the springtime, when life is budding all around us and another season of life is passing us by. I have reminded myself this morning that just like when I am out taking a walk, that if I don't look around I will miss all that life that is budding around me! I have realized from many friends or Christians that I have met, that all too often we don't notice the life all around us in our journey, just like one day when we walk those streets of gold, it will be so beautiful, we can't imagine, but the beauty here is amazing, I mean just amazing. I say this to maybe hope that some people can see this in their journey with the Lord. We all are hoping for something from God! Sometimes we get our eyes so fixed on that one thing that we cannot see all the amazing things he is doing along the way. And in those moments the gift of life is being stolen from us! The "big" thing is certainly there but all these small things are huge when you think about it! The way you look at trees budding, grass growing, flowers blooming, all so beautiful, and you cannot deny God's creation. To just not enjoy all this and wait for heaven to come, would be kinda silly! He gave us all this to enjoy. Just like he gave us each and every day to enjoy! I used to be one of these people that couldn't focus on much else, but what I didn't have, and it prevented me from seeing what God was doing in my life and had already done! When you see what he has done, how can you deny he won't do the "big" thing?! I get kind of frustrated when people can't see the God in my life! But that is really just an indication that they are not aware of the power of God in their life, or that he is the one who has given them everything anyway! My Lord is my peace, and peace, my friends, is priceless! I wouldn't trade it for any big package in the world. And my peace I have as I watch my Father unfold every promise he has for me! And there isn't a day that goes by that the enemy doesn't try to steal my peace, and sometimes I fall for it for a bit, but every day, my precious Jesus comes to my rescue! WHAT DID I DO BEFORE I KNEW JESUS???

Learning to walk in the joy of life!

God has truly been speaking to me lately, just in small things. I think sometimes we look so hard for him in the BIG things that we miss the small things. I had asked God to help me not too long ago because I knew I was experiencing a problem with looking at other people's lives and feeling like something was missing from my own. He is teaching me that my life is mine, that he has given me, and he doesn't have someone else's life for me, he has my own, and my own is the very BEST he has for me. I would not be satisfied with someone else's! I sit here today, so satisfied, and I know sometimes it is a feeling, but I know this is not, I am so satisfied with this life, I have beautiful children, a wonderful family who loves me, an awesome church family, a more than great job, and friends galore. And those friends are not all Christians, but God is showing me that my life will affect theirs. He is in me and I am in Him, how could I not affect them. (thank you, Pastor Andy!) I am finally becoming the woman I have always wanted to be, I am happy to be home, as a matter of fact, I long to be here, cook for my family, and do some chores, I have just learned to love it here! My workplace is a place of peace also, God is working in every person there also! Just when I think it couldn't get better, with Jesus, it will! Today, I know that the little nuggets of truth I have been learning bring about this perfect peace and it makes me that much more eager to learn more of what he has for me and my family! I pray everyone could have this!!!

Oh Happy Day! (Oh, Happy Day)

That song just keeps ringing in my ear today. Oh happy day, oh happy day, oh happy day, oh happy day, when jesus washed, when jesus washed, my sins away. That song is just with me today. I am reminded of a day not too long ago when my sis showed up at church. She loved that song and just sang and danced. I remember the first time I went to church I was kind of uncomfortable with the music, and over time, it is my favorite part. I used to just think, get to the message, I need a good word! Oh, but I have grown so much more than I ever thought or knew I would. I get to praise God for everything he has done in my life! And whoa has he done a lot. Which brings another song to mind, "can you believe what the Lord has done in me?" I never knew songs stuck with me so much. But he has turned my life around. Well, my sister, God showed me, I don't have to worry about her, he has her taken care of too! If I will let him and believe him! I have many friends who are in struggles right now that I am praying for, and sometimes, I feel as though, how can I help them and say anything encouraging at all! Well, I have seen Jesus do amazing things in my life, and I mean AMAZING! I would be a fool to think he can't do things completely. Thank you God, today, for the wisdom you have given me, and for the wisom you will continue to give! It just makes me love you even more! My peace is the most precious thing you have give me. And I will never give it up!

Getting Wisdom!

I am following a daily bible verson on facebook and I realized today how thankful I am that God has put me in a place where I am truly learning Grace!! Without grace, reading the scriptures sometimes can feel overwhelming! I am studying Prov. 4 today and it is all about getting wisdom and understanding and keeping His commandments! With the Holy Spirit residing in my heart, this is easy, in my own strength it would be very hard to understand. Long ago, when I first became a Christian, Grandma Polly would tell me to ask the Holy Spirit to help me understand what I read in the bible. I really had no idea what she meant or that it was even possible, but as much as I love her and know she loves me, I knew there had to be something to that! This morning when I read Prov. 4 I realized that all these things are possible through Jesus. In this Proverb, verse 9 goes like this, (talking of wisdom) "She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee." I am gonna see myself walking around with a crown of grace and glory that has been given to me because fo the divine wisdome Jesus has bestowed unto me!!! Wow, wisdom isn't hard to receive at all, we may read a scripture and God will spend our lifetime explaining them all to us. That is our relationship with him. Just reading without the Holy Spirit to reveal things to us, would be useless! I am so thankful for the wise people God has put in my life! Memorizing scripture really can be pointless, meditating on it and asking the Holy Spirit for revelation= you will never forget it!!!!!!

Ringside Master!!!

Some days, I feel like a ringside master, settling little arguments the kids are having. This one is not sharing, that one scratched the other one, this one wants the same as someone else got for a snack, tattling, and the list could go on. And I realize this goes along with the lesson God has been teaching me! Sometimes we look at other people and think what they have is so perfect, and we want what they have! Five minutes later, we are wanting something else. And then I force them to apologize, hug each other, and so on. Yesterday, God spoke to my heart and reassured me that he would take out their "stony" heart and give them a heart of flesh. And he will make their thoughts and purposes line up with His, if I will ask him and put my trust in what he has done for them! This is much easier than being a ringside leader! Oh, how easy our life in God has been made for us! Last night I went to a birthday party (40) of one of my classmates, and when I returned home, my children were all sitting together on the floor, even my 18 yr. old, looking like little angels. I realized when God gives us revelation of something, it starts to manifest in our lives. I love how "simple" God is!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE amazes me!

I am still surprised at how God amazes me! Today I stumbled upon a revelation that blew me away! I saw a man I knew at the drive-thru at the bank. I cut his hair and the thought came to me, he has a wife who suddenly became ill, and she is disabled in a wheel chair now. The thought was that his marriage is not exactly what he thought it would be either and that man lives out his everyday life devoted to his wife. And I realized that even though this thought is honest and real, the enemy tries to take things like this and make us feel guilty for wanting things to be worked out in our life. Guilt is such a powerful thing that Satan uses in our lives to hinder our hope. Romans 8:24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? That question right there amazes me! Who hopes for what he already has? So don't let anything or anyone let you lose all hope. Because faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Heb. 11:1) We see someone going through something we think may be worse than what we have and sometimes we feel like we shouldn't be expecting God to work out anything for us! He wants good for us and them!!!!! Amen!

Excited about God!

Somedays I am just so surprised at how excited God makes me feel! I just can't help but know that he has wonderful things in store for us! So many people around me have needs only God can meet and I am just EXCITED when I think about how and what he is gonna do in their lives. I am so thankful for what he is showing me. I asked God today to help me believe for myself as much as I do for others. By this, I mean, it is so easy for us to see that God wants to bless others, but when it comes to ourselves, well, maybe I should speak for myself, but I get in the way of my blessing. I look at myself! Me, myself, and I have nothing to do with my blessing, it is all Jesus and what he did that earns my blessing. I could just thump thump thump myself in the head a hundred thousand times to remind myself! Well, today I am just asking God to reveal to me what that number one thing is that keeps me from seeing myself the way God sees me! I love everyone God has put in my life and my personality is just the kind that wants to give so much of myself that I wear myself out sometimes. God is helping me with that! I just want a front row seat when people receive their blessing, I love that!! I am so thankful for all the blessings I have seen in others lately! Help me see myself in Christ!

Resurrection Sunday

Well, after the Easter weekend I had, Monday is truly a Monday! I had such a wonderful experience this weekend. I am seeing friends and family truly come to know the love that our Lord Jesus came to the earth to show to us! My Pastor gave one of the most powerful and wonderful messages I have ever heard! He told us how God humbled himself and came to our level to show his love for us, he truly pursued us! My family enjoyed a wonderful dinner together at Fairview Farms and my friend Michael joined us, he is such a great young man, full of life! He is like a little brother! I am amazed at the work God is doing in this family and watching him work in others also! I am asking him today to show me more, I need more of his love, his truth, his guidance, basically, everything he has for me! I am sure there is so much more than I already know!

Wow, what a day!

All I can say, is wow, another day at home with my kids. They are on spring break this week and I am loving that I took another day off to be with them. I will be back in the working (real) world tomorrow. I love my job so that is good, but it is so nice to have a few day to yourself! My son is finally feeling better, what a long sickness that drug out to be.

Today, I have so many thoughts about how good God is and I am loving the wisdom he is giving me. How easy it is to forget day to day the path the Lord has laid for us. I have been trying to finish painting my boys' room for about 2 weeks now and other stuff has gotten in the way and I am really starting to see the "rest" God has given me in areas I never had before. I used to be one of those people that when I wanted something done, I wanted it done now! Oh how I have become so much more relaxed in that area. It will still be there tomorrow waiting to be painted. My boys will be excited when it is done. I am just doing what I can do, from day to day, nowadays, and that, my friends, is victory. I am a people pleaser, busy-body type of person, so God is really setting me free and I never realized it was happening when he did it. So I am not going to label myself that way anymore, I am a relaxed, getter-done when I getter-done kinda girl, now, and thank you, Jesus!

A friend of mine was over tonight and was gonna help me and I viewed a Lifehouse skit video from youtube on facebook and sent it to my daughter, me and my friend were sitting at the table and I heard her play it so I told this person to watch, this person has been holding stuff in for so long, they started bawling, and it was a good cry! That video had so much truth and the people were dancing to a song and just showing the truth of our Lord! Me and my daughter, Sydney, were crying then too, it felt so good to see all of us could see the truth of things that keep us from God. I am so excited about the truth God is showing me! I am looking forward to tomorrow to get a new drink of water! Have a good day!

I Have Victory!

When I think of victory, I think about cheers as a young girl, to win a game or something! But today I was enlightened with the revelation that I have victory in every area of my life. Now, whether I am walking in that victory or not is the question.

When I think about everything God has done for me by sending His Son, I am amazed, and I am still incapable of seeing it all. Day by day, he shows me more and more. Today someone taught me a prescribed order of victory and it goes like this:
Focus: Jesus Christ (John 14:6)
Object of Faith: The Cross of Christ (Romans 6:3-5)
Power Source: Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1-2,11)
Results: VICTORY (Romans 6:14) one of my favorite scriptures!

Our other options goes like this:
Focus: Works
Object of Faith: Performance
Power Source: Self
Results: DEFEAT

A Christian who is dominated by their sin nature, which is the law, is the most miserable Christian on Earth! (The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. 1 Corinthians 15:56)

How this little teaching helped me today! I will now and forever only have victory because of Jesus, his power working in me produces my victory. Areas of my life that aren't experiencing victory are places where I have tried on my own. Believing I have the power to accomplish these hard things, as if that ever worked out before. I am left with thinking about several people right now, whose jobs have been eliminated, where is our help, it is in the Lord. He can give us favor and he says he will take care of us anyway! (Philippians 4:19)

Today I have had a victory in one area of my life and I know it is not because of me at all! My God affected the heart of a human being and had them do something that was in God's will, not for them, but for me! Thank you Jesus! I am plugging myself into the Holy Spirit and using him as my power source. I had fear the whole way, but with the help of God, I conquered it!

Reminded of My Righteousness

Romans 5:17 For the sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to rule over many. But even greater is God's wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ.



I was not planning to use a scripture(s) at the beginning of every entry but when I need word daily to speak to me so much, I figure I may as well share it with all who read it. Today I woke up excited for church, you see, once a month we have a family feast at our church and I just cherish those times. It is a time when I don't have to be anywhere else after a long work week and my kids don't bug me because they are having fun with all their buddies. It is such a peaceful time. Well, last night I baked some peanut butter kisses cookies and had some 2-liters of soda packed for church and was actually on time, and for those of you who know me, know that is a big deal. I loaded the kiddos in the van and after a hectic time of getting 4 kids to get ready for church I was on my way, ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I was gonna have a whole 1 1/2 hours of peace while my kids were in children's church and I could hear me some word. Or so I thought! My son started complaining of an earrache on the way to church and really tugging and actually hitting at his ear. I thought he was being crazy, never seeing him do something like this before. We got to church and he had tears, I took the kids in and he was still not well. I decided to take him in service with me and maybe some worship music that had some good truth to it may help the ear heal quickly. He did not get well fast, and after sitting for a song and the noise hurt the ear worse, I decided to take him to a prompt care. I called the Dr. on the way and they said go to Morton, the wait was horrendous and this baby of mine was in severe pain, I could tell! I walked out and went to Methodist ER. Someone met us inside the door and took our info and put us in a room super quick. My son looked at me and said, "Mom, I have asked Jesus about 10 times to heal my ear, why isn't he helping me?" Oh, the helplessness, I felt, I wanted to cry! I told him that help was coming and Jesus has already paid for his healing and he looked at me strangely, but with hope. He soon, was letting out owww, owwww, owwww, he couldn't relax, the pain was bad, and I kept asking God to give me patience. Soon the Dr. came in and checked him, he had strep throat and a real bad ear infection. We had been at the Dr. earlier in the week and Strep test was negative. They gave us some prescriptions and finished our paper work and we were on our way! Now we were at Walgreen's waiting for medicine, I call my oldest daughter who is at church and eating with my friends and I told her we would be there soon, she said, "I am supposed to go to my Dad's today!" I was about ready to reach through the phone, and well, I don't want to tell you! I finished getting the medicine filled, and it took 3o minutes and my baby cried the whole time, they had put some drops in his ear, but he needes something more! I came back to our church picked up the other kids and we came home to a very dramatic time of 4 teaspoons of yucky meds that had to be taken. Finally, peace came! I ran to my bible and I started this blog, am just now finishing it at 11 p.m. I had to think that earlier I wanted to scream at my 18 year old daughter who was so selfish for stating the fact that her plans were hindered, I had the same thought, but just didn't verbalize the issue. But God is right there, like I was for Jakob, just when I need him, and he is not disappointed about it. You see, he can be everywhere at once, isn't that cool! When I got home all I could think about as I was searching for a godly thought, was I am righteous! And God put Romans 5:17 on my mind!

And guess what, I decided to finally receive his righteousness!! Throughout that hectic day, it was easy to forget about it! I am so happy it is mine!!! =) And my son, he is resting, and I reminded him of his righteousness too!

Controlling our emotions

Psalm 13: How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him, " and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me. NLT

A good friend of mine just recently invited me to the blog world and I am accepting that invitation today! I feel this may be a release for me, Amen! There was a day when I related to the beginning of this Psalm more than the ending. I am so thankful that today I relate more to the ending of this Psalm. For some of you who may not know me or who are just getting to know me, I am a mother of 4 and basically a single mother. I have been separated from my husband for 4 years now and wow does that look weird in writing! But thanks be to God, I still have my sanity and my life has never been better!

The subject for my blog today is my emotions. Our emotions can be such a roller coaster ride! One minute you are up, the next down, and then you whip around a sharp corner and find a drop just waiting there and you have that sudden feeling that your life is being threatened as you fall and wonder what must be coming next. I was never much for roller coasters. Recently, a good friend of mine compared her life to this and I guess that is why it is still fresh in my mind. My life used to be such a roller coaster and these days it is becoming less and less like that. I have embarked on a journey that is wonderful and scary all at the same time. My emotions are becoming less and less apparent to me, but they are still there tempting all the while about what is true and what is not! Circumstances in my life sometimes get a hold of me, but not for as long as they used to, my God has revealed too much truth to me to let anything get a hold of me! A couple weeks ago, I was at a good friend of mine's for a bible study and we watched a dvd called, "Because of Jesus." In this particular series, A Godly Wife, God revealed a very interesting thing to me. Jesus redeemed me from negative thoughts towards my husband, and more powerfully, negative thoughts toward anyone. Wow, how this set me free! Lately, when I have a negative thought, which is caused by my emotions, I quickly remind myself how Jesus redeemed me from thinking that way and pretty soon I have peace! My emotions are affected by the way I think. I am amazed and in awe of how he keeps helping me in my daily walk with my job, children, finances and MY CIRCUMSTANCES!! I am really starting to see how much he loves me, just knowing that he knows these awful thoughts and feelings come and he even took care of that! Some days I try to get my children to control their emotions and then I remember they are just as incapable of doing this as I am without our Lord!

Even today, the Lord is patiently and ever so tenderly helping me deal with my emotions and showing me that they are far from what is true! The more truth I know, the less I have negative emotions.