Remembering Jesus

Yesterday I was on facebook and all over the place people had posted that this poor little baby I have been praying for had passed and in actuallity it was not true at all.  First of all I was so upset when I saw this because the little guy and his family has grown so close to my heart as well as a lot of people in the community.  But I got to thinking how quickly bad news spreads, and it spreads fast and I had contacted my pastor only because I wanted him to lift up family in prayer which would have been really needed, only to have to quickly contact him again to let him know it was a false rumor.  I don't think anyone would want to hurt anyone by telling anyone, he has just grow  so close to us that we all want to know every detail about the little guy.  So I have been insistent on praying for him more and more as he fights for his little life.  This morning I looked up an old song on youtube and it is called, " By his wounds we are healed." and I watched it and even I myself forget how much Jesus took on His body for me that I can access His grace to receive all the wonderful blessings he has for me.  So I want to challenge everyone to spread GOOD news today.  The best news of all, Jesus!  And baby Dax is still in this life and let us lift him up in prayer, not talk, God is the only one who can help!  With God the story is a happy ending no matter what!  The GOOD news is Jesus is the same, yesterday, today, and forever, and that means he still heals!  The GOOD news is he loves us and wants good things for us!  The GOOD news is HE is the great physician!  The GOOD news is, cancer has a name, and Jesus is the name ABOVE all names.  The GOOD news is He did it all, and He wants me to look to him to perform it through his Holy Spirit.  Help us believe you God, the author of GOOD news and not all the bad reports!

Touched by the Father's Love

• To start off, it has been so long since I have blogged and I logged on today and had a wonderful invitation from Daveda! Well, this could take all day!

My Life Before Jesus:

My childhood has many good memories, and some sad ones also, I am the youngest of 3 children and have always felt loved by my family. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old and our world kinda fell apart. The biggest thing I remember was everyone was so sad and my mother was completely different from that day forward. Around the same time, my mothers brother died in a car accident, so there was a lot of sadness and depression going on all around us. All in all, we picked up the pieces and moved forward with life. My teenage years were wild, I wanted to be popular and hung around with "the in crowd" and we did a lot of drinking and I always seemed to be dating someone. I started dating my daughter's father when I was 19 and got pregnant 6 months later and had her by 21. My first marriage didn't work out so hot! Right after that I lost my father to suicide. Life was hard and confusing. I then met my second husband. We fell in love, we were crazy about each other, together all the time, he loved my daughter and my family and friends were always together. The drinking and "fast lane" life we led ran us into a wall pretty fast!

How I Met Jesus:

After dating my second husband for almost 5 years, I became pregnant again, and right at that time, life was starting to change quickly. Shawn worked out of town and we rarely saw one another, but we were pretty excited about having a baby. He started working closer to home and we were gonna settle down and have a family. We had our son and he was determined to change his life. Kaboom, the more he tried, everything exploded! His past started to really affect his life, another dysfunctional family. I discovered when he was home all the time, things were very different and got worse very quickly. Drugs had taken control of his life and it was spinning out of control. Our son was about 2 months old and he lost his job and we had just bought a house and had gotten married. I was about to lose everything! Several attempts at rehab, unsuccessful. And now he started to become unfaithful! He had suggested church as his higher power that they talked about in rehab. His grandma attended a church he had gone to since a young boy. I had gone a few times but never really liked it much and always thought I would find us a "better" church. But one day, Pastor Gary Watkins, gave a message and I was desperate, I went forward and some people prayed for me, I cried so hard, and a part of me felt better and I knew that day, Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and he died for me!

I Got Serious About Jesus:

Life seemed to get better, but I still didn't know how God was gonna help me with "this" problem. Shawn got a great job and did good for awhile. During the time he had made it through rehab and went back to work, things were okay for awhile and then failed a test again, losing his job. I was so hurt and frustrated! Then I found out I was pregnant. Oh my, I can't explain how scared and alone I felt, I concealed the pregnancy for 5 1/2 months. I knew something happened to me, I prayed and asked God for one "last" sin! (As though I would never sin again!) I knew that if I went to Planned Parenthood, they would hook me up to have an abortion. I drove around all that day and ended up at the Berean Bookstore. I went in with my son and started checking out the bibles. I turned to the index for notes and there it was ABORTION : Jeremiah 1:5 (Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.......) I couldn't do it. The next day, I called my OB, went in and found out I was 5 1/2 months pregnant and having twins... I just laughed and looked up and thought, "You must have a sense of humor." My church family was so awesome, they loved me and took care of me, when I gave birth, they came daily with meals and groceries and toiletries, and I vowed that I was gonna find out who this God was that they knew!

Today:

I am still on my journey with God and have only moved forward! I cannot believe that I am a single mother of 4 beautiful children and God has helped me every step of the way! I cannot imagine life without them. Today I keep searching for truth and asking God every day to help me know more of his marvelous love so I can keep my eyes on Him and move forward into all the wonderful things he has for me!

Tuesday

Wow what a difference a day and the Lord can make! I needed to get my head out of the cloud yesterday and see things for real, real as in how the Father sees it! Oh how the enemy blinds us and makes us get all riled up with emotion! I am so happy God is a part of my life, or I don't know how I would make it through a day like yesterday! This morning me and my son prayed together and it was short but sweet and we both agreed we wanted a better day! I love how simple God is, and my son wasn't the only thing in my day yesterday, but he was the most important =) and I am so glad I get the opportunity to tell him how much God loves him! Have a great day everyone and look up when things get rough!

Labor Day

Ugh! What else is there to say to my day but that!!! Tonight leaves me feeling like I am a total failure! I did not walk into one situation today with gladness! Makes me sad! I have had so many good things happen to me lately but I feel just UGH! I don't feel like a good mom, I don't feel like a good much of anything right now! Just a bad awful day and I want it to get better but it is almost over! My kids are in bed and the usual sigh, that I finally have time to myself, it isn't there! Instead, I have a crappy feeling of failure, and I know this doesn't come from my heavenly father but it is here and I want it gone! Today I officially feel like I did nothing right, right up to bedtime! I had a child behave badly today, but I am not sure that I was worse than him! Help me Lord! These days leave me knowing I need help! Help that only God can give and I need it quick, well I know it is already answered and tomorrow is a new day, but tomorrow needs to be better! Please! Oh, I just hope my kids know how much I love them after a day like this, I tell them, but after they see me this ugly, I just ask God to help their little hearts! Come, Holy Spirit, Come!

Ahhhh!

It is 8:30 at my house and guess what, that means quiet time at the Felmey house! I love quiet time and believe me, I deserve it! We put in a long day here at the Felmey ranch! Just a few great revelations have been stirring in my head lately and my heart of course! God is showing me some amazing things! I can't almost believe it, but more and more I am getting the revelation that the spirit of God dwells inside of me and I realize I have the knowledge of those 12 disciples. I love how in 2 Peter, he puts us on the same level as him, having the same knowledge and wisdom as they, the apostles of Jesus Christ! Makes me sad that sometimes, we as Christians can comes across to people as having such superior knowledge, and the wisdom of God is overshadowed, by our knowledge...learning that the best teaching comes from Him! It has been a long and hard struggle for me to trust that my inner man could hear from God, but I am exercising it lately and I am experiencing some stuff! It has been rather a roller coaster ride, but I am determined to stay in it and I know God will slow that coaster down for me as I am looking to Him and pulling my knowledge from the very spirit of God that resides in me! It sounds so easy when someone teaches you, but when you have been loaded down with garbage, it takes some time to dispose of that garbage and get good pure stuff! God gave me a picture right now of us listening to teaching and we are like a garbage can at times. We receive a lot of stuff, some of it is valuable and some should be recycled, some should stay garbage, never to be repeated again. Well, it makes sense to me! I am learning to love the journey God has led me in, and asking less and less, what happened??? I know (from Christy) my obstacle is my pathway and wow that is the TRUTH! Obstacles haven't stopped me much in the past, but it has slowed me down, I am ready to step in the Jordan and see it dry up! Funny story to tell all of you, my son was sitting down for his haircut the other day, by the way, my kids got theirs last after all my time at work, and my son, said, hey, you are cutting off all my strength, I didn't know what he meant, he started singing some song about Samson and Delilah! God is so good, he learned it at bible school this summer! And it is so cute that his superhero came from the bible today! Superman has nothing on Samson! Love you all and goodnight!

Stirring!

Man I cannot sleep tonight, so I thought I would write myself to sleep! Hopefully! I can't even tell you why, but I did not feel great today and came home and rested! Went to bed at 10:45 and laid there! Don't know why my mind is so crazy, can't even tell you what I am thinking of! I registered my kids for school today and I can't believe it is that time of year. They are growing so fast! Two first graders, one third grader, and a senior! Where has the time gone? I think about all that has gone on in the past years raising my children and I amazed at the place I am at! We have made it through this life together and I am so thankful for them! There are times when I am so exhausted and can get frustrated with my kids but they really are the product of my existence! They keep me going! I love them so much and sometimes I am so impatient with them. God is helping with this daily as I try to slow down in this crazy life and enjoy them! They each one are wonderful in their very own way! Sydney is such a beautiful girl that came into my life 18 years ago at a very immature time of my life! God knew that I would be the type of person to focus on my responsibility, only He knows what I would have gotten into had I not had another person to tend to! I wasn't with her dad very long but me and her have been together for sooooo long! She has been through everything with me and she is doing very well, thanks to Jesus! I am enjoying watching her become a beautiful young woman, although I need reminded daily that God can take care of her! Jakob is my next child and he came along 10 years later! Oh did that rock Syd's world! He is a joy and full of life! 6 months after he was born I was "born again"! And oh life has changed so much. Having a little boy was so different but wonderful and I had a pretty easy time adjusting! When he was 16 months old, I found out I was pregnant with my next two, Gracie and Kody! Boy, what a challenging time in my life! My husband was battling drug addiction and alcoholism and this was quite a surprise to me at a crucial time in my life! Little did I know that they would be my saving grace! I have always been a person who would take care of their kids, but had no idea how I would do it now! The twins were 18 months when Jakob, Grace, and Kody's Dad and I separated! I had back surgery about 9 months later! I still can't believe I made it through that with 4 kids and my job, I don't get paid if I don't work! I took only 2 weeks off work and returned with the wonderful help of my coworkers! And here we are many years later! I just can't believe the trials we have been through and we don't even smell burnt! As I reflect back on life, I can see so much of God along the way, so much! He is my strength and my salvation! He is my light! What can man do to me? He is my husband! He is my provider! He is my everything! He has helped me raise my kids, there has been a solution to every problem I have had! This morning I am truly thanking the Lord for all He has done for me and asking Him to help me open myself up and to be able to recognize everything new He has for me! Oh what a glorious day! I need to sleep but this time was precious!!!

What a week!

Whew!!!! Where do I start! I hate to sound like someone who is whining, but my Father knows I am anyway, so why try to hide it! I hate when I am like this, but I have had a week that is strenuous! But I am very blessed to say I am realizing my provision right in the middle of it and I also realize the healing that is involved when I put my thoughts on this blog!

This past week someone totally invaded my life when they stole my debit card # and charged way too much stuff on it, I felt totally violated and kinda scared of the world we live in today! Then I was at work the morning after this happened and checked my account again and realized this person was doing even more and a girl at work really complimented me and I realized I have more peace than even I am aware of! She said, "This has been going on all day and you haven't been ranting and raving about it, I would be going off!" she said. It made me feel very good because I know I handled it differently than I would have years ago! I went to the police and filed a report and went home, I am really, what can I do, God is in control, and He will use it for good, somehow!!! Today, I realize my computer is full of multiple viruses, so I went and got a spy sweeper and took care of that, then my youngest son came down with strep. Man I am glad I am not where I used to be! I used to go on and on and on about how the devil is attacking me, and I am sure he is, he will never leave me alone. But today I have notice the provision God has in my life. Through all the bad, I havent' really suffered once, I have all the help I need when needed! My beautiful 18 yr. old daughter is here to take care of my son while I work, I have had more than enough to get by until my bank account gets all the way cleared and there has been a solution to every problem as it comes and a quick one!! I truly am blessed! A few years ago I would have been focused on everything going on. I truly am thankful for God's grace, it is what calms us when we have everything from the world flying right at our face, so vivid in our minds! I know I still have so much to learn about His grace! It becomes more and more solid each time I experience it!

I am looking forward to the rest of the week as God straightens out this mess! It is His mess, not mine! I can do nothing and He can do everything! I know each answer/solution is a part of who He is and what He is showing me about His love! Just when we are about to throw in the towel, he appears every time, EVERY TIME, and I am so thankful!